When it comes to disciplining children, Joanna K. Goral, M.D., a Marshfield Clinic-Lakeland Center pediatrician, has a key message for parents:

"Discipline the behavior, not the child," she said. "You can tell the child, 'I love you very much, but I don't like what you just did. You are not a bad boy, but what you just did is not acceptable.'"

This message, given with as little emotion as possible, is the best way to correct a child's behavior without lowering his or her self-esteem.

"Children with good behavior have good self-esteem," Dr. Goral said. "Children who feel good about themselves don't misbehave."

No children are perfect. All will test the waters as they grow up. It's up to parents to guide children as they learn right from wrong.

It's important for children to experience the consequences for their actions right away, according to Dr. Goral. "It is not helpful for a young child who misbehaves on a Thursday to be told he or she can't go to the movies on Friday," she said. "On Friday, she can't remember what happened on Thursday."

Children should see the consequences of misbehaving right away. "Do something. Give them a timeout. Maybe they won't get the ice cream they were expecting. You can delay discipline with a teen-ager, but not with preschoolers or early school-age children," Dr. Goral explained.

As a parent of two boys, ages 9 and 12, Dr. Goral knows it is not always easy to stay calm, but she encourages parents to stay as unemotional as possible when disciplining a youngster so their emotions don't add to the intensity of the moment.

"If you are losing it, give yourself a timeout," she said. "Take a deep breath and say you can't talk about it right away. Leave the room and come back when you are composed and unemotional about it."

When should discipline begin? A one-year-old cannot be disciplined because he or she cannot understand the relationship between the action and the consequence. Instead, that child should be told "no" and then redirected to something appropriate.

Parents can save themselves frustration by childproofing their home. Instead of constantly worrying about the safety of your porcelain dolls in the hands of your toddler, put them away until your children understand they are not toys.

Avoid negotiations with your children, particularly young ones. Some issues are non-negotiable. "You can't reason with a 2-year-old," she said. "Sometimes parents simply have to say, 'Because I said so.'"

One of the most effective tools in disciplining a young child is removing him or her from the situation. If a child hits someone, take him or her out of the room for a timeout. "A few minutes alone and away from attention can be very powerful," she noted.

It's also helpful to reinforce good behavior. Tell the child how much you appreciate his help or the nice way that she is playing with other children.